Anarchist Plans to Occupy Welsh Stock Exchange in Disarray

Following the occupation of Wall Street and the planned protests at the London Stock Exchange, we at Welsh Icons have infiltrated a group of ‘hard-core’ anarchist and have discovered that their plans to occupy the Welsh Stock Exchange, also known as the Cardiff Bourse (that’s Bourseio Caerdydd to you Welsh speakers) are falling apart.

A broad coalition of the usual suspects – the unwashed, jobseekers, proto-hippies, second-rate musicians and local authority funded drug counsellors had planned to occupy the Cardiff Stock Exchange on October 15th to protest against what they see as unethical behaviour on the part of banks, following a similar demonstration on Wall Street and highlight what they see as the greed and corruption in the City of Cardiff.

A spokesperson, Big Nerris (a musician) told us:

“Since the financial crisis the Government has made sure to maintain the status quo and let the people who caused this crisis get off scot-free, whilst conversely ensuring that the people of this country pay the price, in particular those most vulnerable”

He added:

“and I’ve got a new home-made CD coming out for Christmas. If you buy it now I’ll even stick some glitter on it and do you a little doodle”.

Outreach worker Philly-Jilly-Pilly commented:

“This is our chance to stick it to the man, man!

“For too long he has had the whip hand, I’m not black but I can understand what people like Dr Luther King, Malcolm X, Ghandi and Rhodri Morgan had to go through to keep their vans on the road and get to all the festies”.

When we (at Welsh Icons) pointed out that there was no Welsh Stock Exchange or Cardiff Bourse, most of the anarchist unorganisers responded that there should be, and it was the fault of successive Welsh Governments, Westminster and the Illuminati.

They continued (at length) about chem trails, lizard people, the Daily Telegraph, and how U2 had sold out.

Valleys shamen and ‘farmer’ Jason Pasta tried to blame it on genetically modified crops. He told us:

“I was quite happy growing White Widow, but then a farmer down the road started growing leeks. I’m pretty sure that he was on the Monsanto pay-roll and they cross-contaminated my crop”.

People as far away as Wrexham are now getting involved, activist Pol Pot Wright of the Council of North Wales People told us:

“They’ve been doing this for years, I may be a Gog but I’m sure that there are now no proper Welsh Lloyds on the board at Lloyds TSB”.

Finally when asked to comment, Cardiff based vegan group PETER told us:

“What we have in common is that we are the other 99%, that we want People over Profit, that we are making our voices heard against greed and corruption and for a democratic and just society. And, we are doing that in a non-violent and peaceful way. We would give it 99% but we are too busy posting pictures of kittens on Facebook”.


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