Riots in Wales

News is reaching us of widespread rioting and civil insurrection sweeping Wales.

On the Gurnos estate, Merthyr Tydfil vehicles have been set on fire and a number of shops looted. A spokesperson and LGBT liaison officer for the South Wales Police was reported as saying:

“This is normal behaviour for an August weekend. Things could have been a lot worse. Those cars could have had petrol in their tanks if their owners had been able to afford it”.

Meanwhile, in Llantwit Major, Vale of Glamorgan, reports are reaching us of protesters putting milk in their cups AFTER pouring their tea and in nearby Boverton some angry residents are even drinking their tea out of mugs having discarded their cups and saucers in what would appear to be an act of unity with their comrades in the Middle East. We believe that one man even placed the milk carton on the breakfast table without first decanting the contents into a Cornish-ware milk jug.

In Aberystwyth, Ceredigion a number of traffic cones have been removed causing the possibility of road traffic collisions which could kill or maim children, puppies and kittens. It is not know at this time if the cones were removed by anarchists intent on causing mayhem or borrowed by students as decorative post-pub headwear.

There have been calls for members of the Welsh Assembly to return from their holidays to deal with the crisis and there is a possibility of an emergency session at the Senedd as early as late September.

First Minister and leader of the Labour party in Wales, Tecwyn (y tractor) Jones told us from his villa in Trecco Bay, Porthcawl, Bridgend told us:

“After successive years of Tory misrule, well, just over a year of Tory misrule what do you expect. Nye Bevan, Nye Bevan blah blah blah”.

When asked to comment, a spokeswoman for Andy (Retweet) Little Lord Fauntleroy, leader of the opposition in Wales said:

“I’m sorry, who are you?” and put down the phone.

We did however speak to a representative of Plaid Cymru. They just went on and on (and on) about what we thought of their possible new name, and then said something in Welsh which we did not understand.

We at Welsh Icons do understand the pressures that hard working families are under, what with the world stock markets going to hell in a hand cart, shifts in the global-political infrastructure, the challenges of climate change, but we ask that if you see or suspect any ne’er-do wells of rioting you email us at the usual address or telephone your local police force on 101.

*Due to reporting restrictions in Wales, this report was filed by our correspondent in Monmouthsire

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