Transport chaos sweeps Wales

Following the disastrous fire in the Brynglas Tunnels, the entire Welsh road system has been paralysed by two further incidents.

The A55 was blocked near Rhyl when a local man, believed to have been abusing Cuprinol Wood Preservative (other varieties of possibly hallucinogenic wood preservatives are available), caused rubber-necking tailbacks with his celebrated impression of a penguin from the Welsh Mountain Zoo.

Meanwhile, near Erwood, a Holstein calf believed to have escaped from a party on the cattle lines on the Royal Welsh Show, became enraged on hearing the disappointing economic growth figures. Before specialist restraint teams could contact Stephanie Flanders to calm the distraught animal, AMs returning from their meeting in Llandudno were forced to spend several hours in An Unimportant Place.

Bereft of civil servants, lobbyists and toadies, the AMs soon became as upset as the calf, particularly as they learnt that many of the apple-cheeked locals they observed appeared to not work in the media or quangos.

Edwina Hart was frankly perplexed by a stall selling whinberries by the road:

“I just do not understand. There is no National Native Berry strategy – these kids just seem to be picking them off the hill and selling them. I have offered them Equal Opportunities Training for Small Business but them said they would only swap their berries for hard cash or DVDs of badger culls.”

As the convoy of shaken politicos resumed its stately progress back to the Bay, the First Minister issued a statement:

“Our government has a stated policy of getting out to meet you plebs every now and again but we will not make a habit of it, especially as we have vital Cardiff-based tasks, like DNA testing the new head of BBC Wales to ensure he is related to enough important people.”

We also understand that two Assembly Members have been admitted to the Royal Gwent Hospital with what has been described as ‘nervous exhaustion. William Graham AM was admitted at 4pm this afternoon after repeatedly shouting “I told you so” since the incident in the Brynglas Tunnels early this  morning and Mohammad Asghar AM, Shadow Minister for Equalities and Sport was admitted a few minutes later after shouting “he told you so” a couple of times and falling off a now stationary bandwagon.

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