Panic Buying Outbreak as Government Suggest Minimum Alcohol Pricing

Reports are reaching us from all over Wales of panic buying of booze as the Government has suggested that it may be in favor of introducing a minimum charge per unit of alcohol.

Following this week’s budget which increased the price of a pint by around 10p, even though the Chancellor made it look like that there would be no increase, Home Secretary Theresa May said that just under the cheapest fifth of all alcohol sold would be affected by introducing a 40p minimum.

Now the cynics among us may suggest that this was ‘leaked’ early to hide the fact that Gideon had just been caught out shafting all the Grannies in the nation but the people people of Wales have certainly taken the news to heart.

In Splott, Cardiff, Bargain Booze had sold out of Diamond White which connoisseurs believe to be the finest of all white ciders by 11am this morning. Dai Teatowel told us:

“Have you seen my missus? There is no way I can service her need’s sober”.

In Pontypridd in the Rhondda Valleys, all stocks of Carlsberg and Carling had left the shelves by midday with many residents taking their council houses to Cash Converters first thing in the morning to raise the money for their emergency purchases. A spokesman for CashForCrap said:

“I’ve never seen anything like it, normally on a Friday we get the normal trickle of stolen car radios and knock-off DVD players being traded for cash or a bit of scag but today we have even had people bringing their grannies in now that Mr Osborne has reduced their value”.

Up in Gwynedd one resident, Eglwys Washing ap Upbowl told us:

“I don’t know which way to turn, since I lost my job in 1973, a month after leaving school, I’ve been unemployed. It rains here, and all we get is S4C, unlike those softies down in Cardiff Bay who can get Channel 4 and watch that fit bird on Countdown.

“There is nothing to do in the afternoon but drink 6% lagers that no one has ever heard of”.

In a statement the Assistant Junior Chef Medical Officer of Wales who works for the National Assembly said:

“It is for their own good, it is a medically proven fact that a good Merlot is far better for general well being, hic…”.

We did ask for an interview with Alcohol Concern but were told that they were all too busy minding other people’s business.

The views expressed in this article are not necessary those of the Welsh Icons Team

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