Daily Mail readers to face curfew and lose homes in Wales

Following the outcry after a Daily Mail book reviewer referred to the Welsh language as a “moribund monkey language” we understand that all Daily Mail readers in Wales are to be put into care.

Caerphilly born Roger Lewis used the term when reviewing Jasper Rees’s book Bred of Heaven for the Daily Mail which although appearing last week,  has only just been noticed by the Welsh after Mrs Jones was changing the lining of her ‘Little Tiddles’ litter tray.

Mrs Jones (123) of Aberllansomewhere immediately reported the ‘racial slur’ to her local Councillor and within a few days it reached Plaid Cymru’s Jonathan Edwards MP who asked Home Secretary Teresa May whether the Daily Mail article contravened race hate laws.

Mr Edwards has been quoted as saying:

“The article is a disgraceful slur on the people of Wales,” he continued:

“The article equates Welsh nationality with mental illness.

“It is often said that hatred of the Welsh is the only remaining form of acceptable racism. Articles like this further that perception.”

What with inner-city rioting and stuff like that, Ms May instructed a very junior deputy at her department to work with the Ministry of Justice (MoJ) and put an end to all this nonsense.

It has been decided that anyone who reads the Daily Mail in Wales shall in future be referred to as a pensioner and be sent to live in re-education camps – also known as retirement homes.

Any pensioner who is overheard saying “it must be true, I read it in the paper” will lose their benefits and the use of fleecy zip up boots in the summer months, and will have to go to bed just after the One Show. Repeat offenders will lose their places in retirement homes and will be forced to seek accommodation in England, in camps such as those in Burnham-on-Sea and Frinton.

The Daily Mail, Jonathan Edwards and Teresa May have been asked not to comment by Welsh Icons as we are all recovering from a long weekend at the festivals.


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