Welsh Genome Decoded

Much off the animal kingdom has had its DNA examined in the last decade, now scientists at Swansea Metropolitan University have decoded the Welsh genome with some very surprising results. We have known for some time that we are all descended from apes but the study shows that the Welsh are most closely related to the peace loving pigmy chimpanzee while the English are share far more of their genes with more aggressive common chimpanzee.

The results of the research also show that the Scots are kin to the gorilla and the Irish to organ-utans. The shock finding of the research is that all other Europeans have gibbons as their ancestors.

We asked the main political parties at the Welsh Assembly for their opinions.

The Plaid Cymru AM Miona Whey welcomed the findings and said that this shows that while we may look a bit like the English we clearly have different economic and cultural needs to the rest of the UK and that tax raising powers should be devolved to the Welsh Assembly and Wales should have its own entry in Eurovision.

For the Tory party, science spokesperson Tarquin Thunderbolt-Evans said  “As we thought the British, being descended from the great apes, have much more in common with each other than mainland Europe and we need to remain united and maintain sovereignty on this side of the channel.  The scientific analysis shows what many of us in the conservative party have suspected for many years.  This goes a long way to explain why the Europeans pass silly laws and never vote for us in Eurovision.”

Science has finally shown that all Europeans are closely related and that our cultures and economies cannot stand alone, so this proves that  we need to work together to make Europe  a peaceful and prosperous place for all and there should  be single EU entry for Eurovision, said Brian Modorot expressing the view of the Welsh Liberal Democrats.

Speaking for the Labour front bench at the assembly Hefin ap Alffwyt said that his favourite was  ’puppet on a string.’

The full 20 page research paper will be published in the June issue of Heat Magazine along with a photo story.

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